As I fall apart, He picks up the pieces

 
I don't have it together, I am far from God, I cast judgments that are not for me to cast, I battle depression, I lack confidence in myself and God, my prayer life needs work, I have envy and bitterness in my heart, I have lost enjoyment in reading the Bible and do it out of habit instead of love, I carry burdens that are not mine to carry and the bottom line is that it is a struggle to hold it together. There are times, frequently, that both spiritually and mentally I feel like I am falling apart.

Wow! That felt good to say out loud. I hope I never get to the point where I think I have it all together. In all of this I am strong because, He is I AM and I am "i am not". It is the places that I am weakest, that He is shown to be the strongest. In these past four months of starting a new journey in life exploring God's call in my life, I have discovered exactly how weak I am and how strong He is. We have left all of what is familiar and pursed the call of God to “Go”.

One of my recent thoughts has been, "do I give the image that I have it all together?" I enjoy social networking like Facebook, but my post imply that I have it together. I always show the best of my life. People see our smiles, our happiness, our successes and all the other “great” and “fun” things that we are doing. What about the tears, the hurts, failures, arguments and other unpleasantries of life that show exactly how broken I am? The reality is that I am just as “messed up” as anyone else.

I watched a video clip on YouTube a few weeks ago that was called, “Pep Talk with Kid President” He quotes The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost and says, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled…and it hurt man! Really bad! There were rocks! Thorns! Glass! My pants broke! Not cool Robert Frost!” Isn’t that life? It’s hard! Being a born again believer does not mean that life is not hard. It doesn’t mean that I’ve got it all together. There is no promise that I will not experience any hurts, failures, disappointments, obstacles, sickness, death or brokenness. But what promise I do have is that He is with me through it all; no matter how “messed up” I am.

So there it is…I don’t have it together, but my God purses me with a relentless love that is perfect. The actuality is that God can’t lose me no matter how much weakness I demonstrate. There are no petal stools in God’s love. He died for missionaries, Muslims, Catholics, Baptists, homosexuals, atheists or (you fill in the blank). He died for us all and desires that we put our faith into Him completely. In His word we find the truth and He reveals who He desires for us to be. In this thought, it is allowing God to be God and me to be me.